I Admire Who

When I get questioned, "A person whom you admire?" I will automatically be puzzled. In this world, there are a lot of people that I admire―few of them are becoming my inspiration. Friends, actors/actress, singers, youtubers, etc.―except parents. Why? There are a million reasons that I do not like about them, especially the way they educate their own child.

Here is why.

Every parents surely long for their child to reach their own dreams that is running smoothly without a single obstacle in front of them, including my parents. I am fully aware that if I succeed reaching my own dream, it means that I also succeed making my parents proud. But, as everyone know, a trip to our own destination is very complex. Which means a few of them will reach the top safely, while the others fall down or die in the middle of the trip.

It all started when I already enrolled in elementary school. That time I was imposed by my dad to study every day every night (except on Saturday night), also befriend with the geniuses so that their intelligence can reach me and I can reach the top rank every year. Even when I study at home, he always took over to teach me every school subjects. Instead teaching me like teachers in school/tutoring course place, he always did violence when I got wrong in answering or forgot everything that he already explained. Crying and bearing pains at the same time became my daily studying lives back then, also opposing my fatigue until dawn―that already became my habit these days. But in the end, I could finally reach the top rank (including the first rank) and my friends started to befriend with me back then.

However, after I enrolled in junior high school and my dad (finally) released me to study independently, my study habit started to change. The me who was 'eager' to study for the first rank (thanks to my dad) was getting tired to study every day every night and searched for entertainments to cast away my boredom. For example, surfing my social medias on my smartphone. Since I am easily getting bored, so I study whilst playing social medias, except when the situation is getting crucial (like test or big project) I will leave the social media thing. As a result, my grades in school were dropped, and this situation made my parents dissapointed of me especially my mum who always made fusses about my grades. She also threatened me to not pay for my school tuition.

Then, I enrolled in high school. In this stage, everyone―including me―are demanded to choose their own dream for the future and be responsible of their choice. Well, we can say that this stage is not an easy game to play. Since my dream is being a journalist (as already mentioned in the last blog), I decided to enroll in Language class to study the use of language and how to write. But, my decision was rejected by my parents and they told me to enroll the Natural Science class with its advantages that obviously make people 'drool'.

"Dad, Mom, I told you that I want to be a journalist. Why I must enroll in Natural Science class―I mean, time has changed? There is no connection between Chemistry/Physics/Biology/Mathematics and journalism studies. In fact, I really hate studying natural sciences that almost make my head explodes," whispered me.

I also told my story to my close friends, and most of them supported me to not enroll in Natural Science class if I did not want to. In the end, I determined to 'curse' my Natural Science grades and 'beautify' my Social Science grades. Though I was really happy with my determination, I had to receive some lectures―that impressed mockingly―from my parents who dissapointed of this.

And those are the answers.

And here is a list of my big questions of a lifetime.

Why do they educate me in this way?

Why do they mutter with my studying style―playing social media at the same time?

Why do they like seeking result than process?

Do they want to fail me and my own dream?

Those questions were finally answered by a random woman I met in a train, while I was on my way from my homeplace to Jakarta. She answered from two perspectives, child perspective and parent perspective.

From a child perspective, the woman said when she was in my position, she was also stubborn and acted arbitrarily. I already forgot what was her dream back then―because she mentioned it with a low voice―but she said that she could not reach her dream. As a result, she regretted her actions. Then, from a parent perspective, she told her daughter (yes, she already had a daughter) her experiences and wanted her to grant the woman's wishes. She also asked her daughter to not fully trust her friends―especially her close friends―since their perspectives are far more different than parents perspectives who suppose to know their own child.

To be honest, I was affected―also regretted―after hearing what she said. "What a really nice woman," said me. Starting from that day, I determined to listen more of what my parents wishes, though some of them will be suck in my ears. Trying to make them happy is a tough job, but whether I want it or not I must find some ways. Hopefully that they still forgive my bad actions and give me another chance to move forward.

In the end, I want to say thank you to my parents who already educated me to the right paths. Even my childhood was filled with violence, I try to make it as a lesson so that I can still stand tough in real life.

Dedicated this writing to my parents' 19th wedding anniversary.

-Shane Tommo

February 03, 2018; 12.32 AM (West Indonesia Sea Time)

Picture: Canon EOS 30D (feat. VSCO)